[分享] 你知道你的例子,可能只發展了一半嗎?

看此篇文章前,建議同學先看同樣關於寫作的另外三篇文章:

1. 你的寫作發展方向是對的嗎?https://reurl.cc/4Rzkrj

2. 如何讓口說寫作發展例子更貼切?https://reurl.cc/Wdp5Rk

3. 如何讓例子更具體?https://reurl.cc/yZxpYl

看同學作文除了發展方向錯誤、例子不貼切具體,另外也常發現的一個問題是對於主題句的發展只有一半。以下直接分享兩個同學的例子,同學可以先站在考官的角度看一下有什麼問題,再看下面的解析喔!

題目:A/D: For success in school and work, the ability to adapt or adjust to a changing condition or circumstance is more important than having excellent knowledge of a job or a field to study.20120923NA

A同學第三個論點:

Last but not least, good reputation is a key to success in school and work, and the ability to adapt to a changing condition can let people gain a good reputation. For example, once our basketball team was on a winning streak but suddenly we lost 5  games in a row. Unlike our teammates who were all frustrated, I started to watch videos of our games and tried to find out what our problems were, and later our teammates were impressed about my hard work and findings. As a result, I became a person of good reputation in the team.

以主題句來說,例子發展的部分應該包含:

1) 怎樣適應環境而獲得了good reputation?

2) 因此而怎樣成功的例子?

可以發現同學只發展了第一個部分:怎樣適應環境而獲得了good reputation, 但是對於第二部分怎樣帶來成功沒有解釋、發展到。應該要繼續說明所以因此我們之後的比賽勝率提升了幾成嗎?還是下學期我就被選為球隊隊長?沒有寫到的話變成只發展了一半。

再看看下一個例子。

題目是 It’s easier for people to get educated today than people did in the past.

B同學的第二論點:

Secondly, people nowadays are wealthier than people in the past, and being rich can make people get educated more easily. For instance, if people have more money, people can easily afford the tuition and fees for school. In addition, people also can pay extra money to take more classes. Therefore, people can fulfill the minimum requirement of studying in a school. On the other hand, people were poor in the past, so they might not have the ability to afford the tuition and fees. Furthermore, they may live in a bad environment such as place lack of light for study.  As a result, people cannot go to school to study and have to go to work to earn money for living.

要發展的方向應該要包含:

1) 現代人怎樣比以前人有錢?

2) 有錢為何比較容易受教育?

可以看到這位同學例子直接說現代人如果比較有錢,就能夠負得起學雜費,甚至可以加選更多課程。但是並沒有解釋到為何現代人比較有錢呢?沒有解釋到的話可能很難說服讀者。可以很簡單的帶一下現代人平均薪水較高,所以比以前人有錢,就能負得起學雜費等等,而因此比較容易有機會受教育。

針對第一部分有解釋到會比較完整!所以同學在寫作的時候不妨注意一下例子發展是否完整,建議同學考試的話可以留2-3分鐘重頭檢查一遍,重看一遍比較能察覺出差別,如果發現那邊

少了還來得及補。

Cheers,

J2

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